St. Benedict bases his belief on that of Jesus: that any correction should always be commensurate with the debt owed and promotes a choice for a change in behavior. The dignity of the offending member is to be guarded first by insisting that the superior decides the gravity of the fault and that the matter be first handled in private. After living with his Rule for some time, Benedict revisited the practicality of various sections. One example may be found in Chapter 69.
Benedict uses the image of Jesus – that of a wise physician. He reminds the community that it’s not the healthy who need the soothing ointment of encouragement, but the sick is the one who needs urging to be humble and to make satisfaction for faults. Our aim is to keep the community “one flock.” TOGETHER we shall go to God. It’s an “one for all and all for one” deal. So, let’s take a look at how this works – Jesus and Benedict lay out the same steps.
In Jesus’ instruction it is about SIN; in Benedict’s precepts it concerns matters within community. But both concern personal offenses … person to person. And whether sin or a less serious matter, the first approach is to be in private … one on one. You must seek out the one who has offended you directly, with love and in humility … face-to-face … as a shepherd looking for the lost sheep … out in the rain, through the brambles, across the brook … it doesn’t make any difference how difficult the terrain is, you must seek out person you feel offended you. And this is to be done in a calm, rational manner. You most certainly won’t win over the other person if you lose your temper, insult or mock them and generally act like a jerk. Keep in mind: this is your Sister for whom Christ died. No matter what she has done, place her above yourself so you don’t jeopardize your mission. Even “if a life is a land full of thorns and weeds there is always a space in which the good seed can grow.”
Also remind yourself that no matter how convinced you are of the justice of your cause, you are only human. You could be misguided in your judgement – have jumped to a false conclusion. You must listen carefully to and weigh the other’s argument … unless, of course, she immediately agrees with you and, as Benedict says, makes due satisfaction. Otherwise, you must give the person a thorough opportunity to respond. In any case, it is simply not enough to say, “I’m sorry” or “I apologize.” An apology is an inadequate human substitute for the real thing. Nowhere does the Scripture require, nor does Benedict ever use language to even encourage, apologizing. To say “I’m sorry” is a human dodge to avoid reconciliation and to save myself from having to say: “I was wrong, will you forgive me?”
The most important thing, Jesus and Benedict remind us, is to go alone, keep the matter private. You want to protect her reputation, and your own. If the information you may have spread is proven to be false and damaging, you’re the one who will have dirt on your face.
Approaching the person directly and in person helps preserve peace in the community. Benedict condemns gossip in no uncertain terms referring to it at least a dozen times – variously translated as gossip, murmuring or grumbling. In conclusion Benedict says: “There must be no word or sign of the evil of murmuring, no manifestation of it for any reason at all.”
If you feel compelled to confront a member about a behavior, remember it is just that – THE BEHAVIOR, not the person. And, recall Jesus’ and Benedict’s first principles: face-to-face and in private. This goes along with the rule of thumb: Praise in public, correct in private.
In the end, the Gospel message is one of hope. Jesus is present with our community and will guide us in our relationships. If decisions are made in prayer, then the community can be assured of God’s assistance. As Paul says: “The body is one and has many members, but all the members, many though they are, are one body.” You may recall the Boys’ Town picture of a slightly older boy carrying a younger boy piggyback and saying, “He ain’t heavy, Father; he’s my brother.”
~Reflection by Sister Roberta Bailey, OSB
