Benedictine Sisters of FL

Holy Name Monastery
Founded 1889

Sister

Different Strokes for Different Folks

by Leave a Comment

This Gospel could be titled: DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS.  Let’s begin by recognizing we have different patterns for dealing with conflict; patterns that we have developed over a lifetime.  (And, for some of us that’s a right long time.)  Without a doubt, we bring these patterns with us into community living.  Thankfully we live in a community whose individual members pay high respect to their vow of conversatio (conversion of life).    Each and every day dawns with an opportunity for growth and maturity.

What are the patterns of dealing with conflict?  It’s good to know your own style as well as that of the person with whom you may be in conflict.  Are you, or the other person a turtle? Turtles hide from conflict by withdrawing into their shells and you can’t get them out until the conflict is over.

Some people are sharks. Sharks look for conflict. They seem to argue for the sake of a good argument.  Sharks try to overpower their opponents in order to win in the midst of conflict.   They play “one-upmanship.”

The opposite of sharks are Teddy Bears. Teddy Bears want to hug and say, “Why can’t we all just get along?  Say a prayer and go to bed; all will be forgotten in the morning.”

Some people are foxes. Foxes are sly. They try to outsmart a situation in order to get the best possible solution for themselves.

Finally, some people are owls. Owls are wise. They do not try to overpower the other, nor do they try to avoid conflict. Rather, owls want to work through conflict to achieve a win-win resolution.

Turtles, sharks, teddy bears, foxes, and owls (oh my!) are animals that are in your families, in your workplace, and I suspect right right here in our community.

In this Gospel lesson Matthew offers us Jesus’ teaching on how to deal with conflict.   He says: “If your sister offends you, go and show her her fault, just between the two of you.”  Jesus is talking about being discrete. If your Sister listens to you, you have gained a sister. Notice, Jesus addresses, not the wrong-doer but those who have been wronged.  He places the burden for reconciliation on the shoulders of the one who has been hurt, offended, or sinned against.  It’s so simple that you have to wonder why conflict is such a big part of our lives.  Jesus says: just go and talk with her. But this is so opposite to our human nature that most people will not do this. Rather, when someone does us wrong the tendency may be to get angry and pout and to avoid them.   We will talk to everyone around the situation except the person that we need to talk to in order to resolve the situation.    Jesus said, Talk to the person – don’t put up a sign, talk in generalities, or to your best friend. If the person listens, then you have gained a brother or a sister.  And, what if they don’t listen? What if they don’t want to work things out?

Then you go to step two.  Now, in our Holy Rule, Benedict provides a variation between  Step One and Two. “The prioress sends a mature and wise member, who under the cloak of secrecy, may support the wavering sister, urge her to be humble as a way of making satisfaction, and console her lest she be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.”

Jesus’ Step 2 continues: “If the person who has offended you will not listen, take one or two others along as witnesses.”  Why do this? Sometimes it helps to have a person to act as an echo; to say what she’s heard without interpretation, just the words spoken.  Remember the saying: there are three sides to any situation: your side, my side and the truth!  Or as our mothers used to say: God’s side.  Jesus said: “…if the person refuses to listen, treat her as you would a tax collector” i.e. like Jesus treated Zacchaeus: “Come down from your tree and let’s go eat.”

Jesus seems to be saying, if you go through this process, if you make the approach, talk one on one, if you take it to the community, and someone still refuses to resolve the conflict, then you need to pray for them, reach out to them, and offer them peace.

Know that you can overcome your natural response to conflict whether you are a turtle, shark, teddy bear, fox, or owl.  You can train yourself, with God’s help, to act with strength, diplomacy and grace to confront directly one on one with gentleness.  There is a current TV ad that sounds Benedictine: “Make an effort to be profoundly helpful!”   Let us pray for gentleness and a spirit of helpfulness with each other, gentleness in our thoughts, in our tone of voice and in our actions.

~Reflection by Sister Roberta Bailey, OSB

 

 

Pray for safety from storms – that storms stay out over open waters.

  Pray, in particular on Monday, September 11, peace among the peoples of our world.

 

 

 

 

 

Readings:  Ezekiel 33:7-9      Romans 13:8-10
Gospel:   Matthew 18:15-20
Continue Reading

Feast Day of St. Scholastica

by Leave a Comment

The Feast of Scholastica, the founder of Benedictine life for women, is observed on February 10.

Benedict had a sister, Scholastica, who also dedicated her life to the pursuit of God. She too founded monasteries and became an abbatial figure. The only story we have of Scholastica is told when Benedict was already an abbot of renown. The incident demonstrates clearly that the brother and sister were emotionally close, and, both of them, a spiritual influence on the other till the time of her death.

During one of their annual visits, Scholastica, inspired by the depth of their conversation, asked Benedict to remain overnight in the place where they were meeting in order to continue their talk and reflection on spiritual things. Benedict wouldn’t even think of it. It was getting dark; it was time to get back to the monastery; it was time to get on with the regular routine of the spiritual life.

Unable to persuade him with words, Scholastica put her head down on the table in deep prayer. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a great storm brought flash floods and Benedict realized that he could not possibly return to the monastery that night. And the Dialogues say, “he complained bitterly.”

He said, “God forgive you, sister! What have you done?”

Scholastica answered simply, “I asked you for a favor and you refused. I asked my God and I got it.”

This story is a vein worth mining for a lifetime:

It tells us that law is never greater than love.

It tells us to be intent on pursuing the values of life, not simply its rules.

It tells us that discipline is necessary in the spiritual life but that religious discipline is not enough, that depth is a process and that depth costs.

It tells us that God lurks in strange places. And waits for us. And puts in our paths just what we need in order to become what we are meant to be.

It reminds us that a woman has as much power in the eyes of God as any man and that we must recognize women, too, as spiritual guides.

God fractured Benedict’s rigidity in favor of a greater vision. Has your rigidity been fractured yet?

—from Radical Christian Life, by Joan Chittister (Liturgical Press)

 

 

Continue Reading

God at our Calling

by Leave a Comment

First Reading  Jeremiah 20:10-13    Second Reading  Romans 5:12-15
Gospel Matthew 10:26-33

In this Gospel passage, we rejoin Jesus during the first year of His public ministry.  Jesus directs the disciples to keep their focus on God.  He reminds them that those who can harm the body do not have ultimate power; God does.  Persecution and suffering may not be avoided or prevented but Jesus’ reassures us that God is always and forever at our call to care for us and protect us.

Jesus uses a simple, mind-opening analogy to illustrate his point.  His listeners knew that the cheapest life in the market was a small bird of the field, perhaps a sparrow.  Yet, God’s providential care knows even when this smallest of birds dies.  He is using here a rabbinic argument technique which compares a light matter to a heavy one. His idea here is to overcome fear and encourage the disciples, and us, to trust God.

From the moment we are born, we know fear – we squall at the change in our environment.  The startle reflex is tested in a baby’s first pediatrician’s visit.  Separation anxiety develops by 6 months and may raise its ugly head later in life feelings of abandonment.  Over time we may grow to fear even those who are closest to us.

Jesus recognizes that fear may cause failure on our part.  Jesus’ disciples, and we, courageously leave the security of home and family to follow a dream. As faithful followers of our “summons” to His call, may inevitably put us on a collision course with the allurements of the world. Jesus is starkly realistic about the threats we will face, at the same time he builds the case for why we should not let fear win out or hinder our ministry.

We see in the Gospels, how on the one hand, the disciples are granted remarkable powers to heal the sick, exorcise demons, cleanse lepers, even to raise the dead. But at the same time, Jesus denies the disciples money, extra clothes, or a staff to aid in climbing the ups and downs of life or to protect themselves from wolves.  He even denies them a pair of sandals to shield their feet from rocks and stones, or if they travel the fields in Florida, sandspurs.  They are to undertake their mission in complete vulnerability and dependence on God with an awareness that they go as “sheep in the midst of wolves.”

We know their stories: they faced arrests and beatings, hatred and persecution and opposition even from family members.

With great care and compassion Jesus names aloud the suffering to be endured and its causes.  This is the first step in freeing them from the tenacious grip of fear.  Benedict knew this, didn’t he?  Remember what he says about receiving newcomers (chapter 58).  Do not grant newcomers an easy entry … test the spirits, let them keep persistently knocking at the door four or five days … they should be clearly told the things of everyday living in community; all the hardships and difficulties that will lead to God … she, the newcomer, must be aware of what the Rule requires so that she may know what she is entering.”

It is clear in Jesus’ conversation with his disciples that the most important element in the sharing of the warnings and the loving reassurance lies in the integral relationship between the disciples and Jesus.  And, between Benedict and the novice .. and it should be evident between our community and the Seeker.

Just as Jesus modeled the way for his disciple, we make a commitment to the newcomer, and to each other, to model Benedictine living.   An example: A young boy, out for a walk with his father on a cold winter day, was scared to cross a frozen pond … afraid of falling through the ice. But then his Father offered to lead the way.  Now the boy didn’t hesitate to go across the ice. The ice hadn’t become less frightening, but he was able to follow his father, trusting his father wouldn’t lead him to harm. He followed his father without fear across the ice.   Jesus leads us; we lead each other; and we each help lead our Seekers.

As we sing in the Suscipe: “Upon me, O Lord, as you have promised, and I shall live, and do not disappoint me in my hope.”

~Reflection by Sister Roberta Bailey, OSB, Prioress

 

 

Continue Reading