Benedictine Sisters of FL

Holy Name Monastery
Founded 1889

conflict

23rd Sunday in Ordinary Time

by Leave a Comment

Wow!  Talk about conflicts!  Jesus keeps teaching us to love our neighbors as ourselves, love our enemies and do good to those who hate us.  Now he says, “Hate your mother and father, your brother and sister, your wife and children, even your own life.”   Obviously, you cannot have it both ways: Love everybody and hate your family.

Jesus is inviting us to think it over seriously.  Listen to Him: “To be my disciple is unusually difficult. You must make a TOTAL commitment.  Nobody, absolutely nothing, can come before me. I am your one Lord and God. In case of conflict, your nearest and dearest must take second place.”

I’ll share now what Richard Rohr has to say on taking that first step to discipleship: recognize, acknowledge and accept the truth that we are everywhere and at all times in the presence of God.

We cannot attain the presence of God because we’re already totally in the presence of God. What’s absent is awareness.  Each time you take another breath, realize that God is choosing you again and again—and yet again. We have nothing to work up to or even learn. We do, however, need to unlearn some things, and most especially we must let go of any thought that we have ever been separated from God. Religion is to help us let go of illusions and pretenses so we can be more and more present to what actually is. We have to learn to see what is already here.

Such a simple directive is hard for us to understand. We have a “merit badge” mentality. We worship success. We believe that we get what we deserve, what we work hard for, and what we are worthy of. It’s hard for Western people to think in any other way.

Experiencing radical grace is like living in a different world. It’s not a world in which I labor to get God to notice me and like me. It’s not a world in which I strive for spiritual success.  Unfortunately, many good people are afraid of gratuity.  But God cannot be seen through such a small and dirty lens.

I suggest that this week we check our spiritual spectacles, clean off any smudges and be open to receiving the radical graces God has ready waiting for us.   In the Gospel, the two brief parables (a person constructing a tower and a king marching into battle) make Jesus’ lesson obvious – don’t start what you cannot finish. Jesus is asking us for TOTAL commitment.  We can only commit if we are prepared to put God before everything else.

We pray with words of the Responsorial Psalm: “In every age, O Lord, you have been our refuge; teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain wisdom of heart.  Fill us at daybreak with your kindness that we may shout for joy and gladness all our days.”

~Reflection by Sister Roberta Bailey, OSB

 

Please remember in prayer our Sister Jerome Leavy whose funeral we will celebrate Tuesday morning, Sept 9th at 10am.  Wake service and visitation will be 7pm Monday in our monastic chapel.

May Sister Jerome rest in eternal peace!

 

 

First Reading:   Wisdom 9:13-18b         Second Reading:  Philemon 9-10, 12-17
Gospel:   Luke 14:25-33
Continue Reading

Different Strokes for Different Folks

by Leave a Comment

This Gospel could be titled: DIFFERENT STROKES FOR DIFFERENT FOLKS.  Let’s begin by recognizing we have different patterns for dealing with conflict; patterns that we have developed over a lifetime.  (And, for some of us that’s a right long time.)  Without a doubt, we bring these patterns with us into community living.  Thankfully we live in a community whose individual members pay high respect to their vow of conversatio (conversion of life).    Each and every day dawns with an opportunity for growth and maturity.

What are the patterns of dealing with conflict?  It’s good to know your own style as well as that of the person with whom you may be in conflict.  Are you, or the other person a turtle? Turtles hide from conflict by withdrawing into their shells and you can’t get them out until the conflict is over.

Some people are sharks. Sharks look for conflict. They seem to argue for the sake of a good argument.  Sharks try to overpower their opponents in order to win in the midst of conflict.   They play “one-upmanship.”

The opposite of sharks are Teddy Bears. Teddy Bears want to hug and say, “Why can’t we all just get along?  Say a prayer and go to bed; all will be forgotten in the morning.”

Some people are foxes. Foxes are sly. They try to outsmart a situation in order to get the best possible solution for themselves.

Finally, some people are owls. Owls are wise. They do not try to overpower the other, nor do they try to avoid conflict. Rather, owls want to work through conflict to achieve a win-win resolution.

Turtles, sharks, teddy bears, foxes, and owls (oh my!) are animals that are in your families, in your workplace, and I suspect right right here in our community.

In this Gospel lesson Matthew offers us Jesus’ teaching on how to deal with conflict.   He says: “If your sister offends you, go and show her her fault, just between the two of you.”  Jesus is talking about being discrete. If your Sister listens to you, you have gained a sister. Notice, Jesus addresses, not the wrong-doer but those who have been wronged.  He places the burden for reconciliation on the shoulders of the one who has been hurt, offended, or sinned against.  It’s so simple that you have to wonder why conflict is such a big part of our lives.  Jesus says: just go and talk with her. But this is so opposite to our human nature that most people will not do this. Rather, when someone does us wrong the tendency may be to get angry and pout and to avoid them.   We will talk to everyone around the situation except the person that we need to talk to in order to resolve the situation.    Jesus said, Talk to the person – don’t put up a sign, talk in generalities, or to your best friend. If the person listens, then you have gained a brother or a sister.  And, what if they don’t listen? What if they don’t want to work things out?

Then you go to step two.  Now, in our Holy Rule, Benedict provides a variation between  Step One and Two. “The prioress sends a mature and wise member, who under the cloak of secrecy, may support the wavering sister, urge her to be humble as a way of making satisfaction, and console her lest she be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.”

Jesus’ Step 2 continues: “If the person who has offended you will not listen, take one or two others along as witnesses.”  Why do this? Sometimes it helps to have a person to act as an echo; to say what she’s heard without interpretation, just the words spoken.  Remember the saying: there are three sides to any situation: your side, my side and the truth!  Or as our mothers used to say: God’s side.  Jesus said: “…if the person refuses to listen, treat her as you would a tax collector” i.e. like Jesus treated Zacchaeus: “Come down from your tree and let’s go eat.”

Jesus seems to be saying, if you go through this process, if you make the approach, talk one on one, if you take it to the community, and someone still refuses to resolve the conflict, then you need to pray for them, reach out to them, and offer them peace.

Know that you can overcome your natural response to conflict whether you are a turtle, shark, teddy bear, fox, or owl.  You can train yourself, with God’s help, to act with strength, diplomacy and grace to confront directly one on one with gentleness.  There is a current TV ad that sounds Benedictine: “Make an effort to be profoundly helpful!”   Let us pray for gentleness and a spirit of helpfulness with each other, gentleness in our thoughts, in our tone of voice and in our actions.

~Reflection by Sister Roberta Bailey, OSB

 

 

Pray for safety from storms – that storms stay out over open waters.

  Pray, in particular on Monday, September 11, peace among the peoples of our world.

 

 

 

 

 

Readings:  Ezekiel 33:7-9      Romans 13:8-10
Gospel:   Matthew 18:15-20
Continue Reading